The hardest working Lazy-ass in town

That’s me. Lifeguards at this storied bastion of old Southern money are unique for their stunning feats of inactivity and the near endless lenience management extends.

But I hate lay-abouts, especially when their sloth gums up perceptions of my work ethic. So I bust ass to go above and beyond. I study regular swimmers’ habits, aiming to fill their wants before they’ve even come to mind.

The idle hours remain legion. Yet my extra efforts – a towel or bright pink noodle offered just as its needed – mask the abiding laziness which led me to take this job.
As a lifeguard this summer, I’ve become the hardest working lazy-ass in town.

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